#I HATE I HATE UNCERTAINTY

[esto-es-un-error]

Simmering and simmering in anxiety bc tomorrow is job interview and I thought it was today and I called in for nothing today and I have to call in again tomorrow ahaha

[itspileofgoodthings]

one big thing I’ve learned by 29 is that the Plan, the God’s Plan of it all I mean, is bigger than me and not just bigger than me but also bigger than my understanding of narrative threads and their limitations. And it’s bigger even than just a simple paradox, turning-on-their-head thing way of being bigger. It’s just so vast. And there is so much room for surprise and possibility and hope in that reality.

[strikeslip]

I've been comforting people by telling them how fascism burns itself out, pointing at the history of Germany and Argentina and saying "Ten years. Try to make it ten years." I have not been telling them that Putin's been in power for 26 years, nor have I been pointing out that Francoist Spain lasted 39 years, nor have I talked about the general reinforcement of dictatorships and kleptocracy around the world. The city I live in has been doing crony capitalism for far longer than the alt-right's been around. We, the human race, do not have a fix for these sorts of organizational problems.

There's a bad century coming, with agriculture not ready for climate change, with whole parts of the world ready to go mostly-uninhabitable and with plenty of anger ready and waiting for all the migration that'll be triggered by that. We don't know how people will react to Europe going cold after the AMOC collapse, we don't know how people will react when coastlines around the world go under (China and India's coasts are of particular concern here since they have the most people), and we don't know what it'll look like when the Middle East starts to hit black flag temperatures on the regular and it becomes impossible to step outside for any extended time. There's nowhere to run, and all the governments coming to power on the promises that they can make it better are going to be flailing around desperately as it turns out you can't persuade or bribe an ocean current.

And on the other hand, maybe we'll get fusion working and free energy will revolutionize greenhouse farms. Maybe everyone will have temperature controlled buildings, we'll build water purification plants, and geoengineer swaths of the world to adjust temperature via solar reflection. Maybe the various demographic crashes will rewild massive swaths of land and biotech will bring us new crops and extinct animals and vaccines for cancer and the common cold. Maybe we'll have all those things and the migration and the anger all at once. People are afraid; people are right to be afraid.

If I keep my head down and get lucky, I still expect to lose my social security (and any chance of a comfortable retirement), to lose more than a few of my friends (to distance or otherwise), to need to make it through hurricanes and floods and droughts, to lose access to a great deal of the information I've enjoyed for so much of my life, and to live in fear for many years. I expect riots and repression. In the worst cases, I'm worried about military drafts and rationing and related corruption. I dream of a house with a basement of supplies and a guest room to rent out, to shield myself from these things, but I fear being trapped by investment in a single place. And like so many other people, I'm alone or mostly alone. There's a community or two I'd like to join, but even when I attend their events, I stand on the outskirts and can't see a way in. I'm stubborn; I'll keep trying and likely make some progress eventually, but all the big feelings are outside my range of experience and people can tell. I will always be something of an alien, something of an outsider. Something of an acceptable loss.

People are afraid; people are right to be afraid. And I'm right there with them. I only wish I could see a solution.

[rickybaby]

“I don’t think it’s fully sunk in …”

[ghostzzy]

me: fuck what a day

the clock: 1:07pm

[phagodyke]

still can't get my head around the fact this private prescriber earns more in 15 mins than I do in an entire day of work. and I'm expected to be the one paying into her salary

[i-still-mask-because]

I'm claiming "Good Luck, Babe!" for us covid cautious lovers.

[kairithemang0]

”I want friends” <- eventually hates every friend he ever has

[kangals]

potential puppy in the forecast for mid-late Feb - nowhere close to a sure thing, but the best chance that I’ve found so far 🤞🤞🤞

[kinnbig]

🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

[markantonys]

me starting picnic at hanging rock: oooh, madeleine madden wearing pretty clothes and looking beautiful in a period drama? sign me up!

me finishing picnic at hanging rock:

[m00ngbin]

I always get so sad about the thought that any character from anything I've read/watched/listened to/etc is going to get older. Like what do you mean they're eventually going to get old and die?? What do you mean they're not technically exempt from the experience of living???

[rockergiirl]

i feel like a lot of the "people need to stop being so scared of spider-like arachnids" are people that just aren't afraid of spiders in general

like i'm sorry but it's not like i'm making a conscious effort to be scared of spiders and spider-like creatures, i just see one and go "NOT FRIEND SHAPED NOT FRIEND SHAPED"

[disdaidal]

Okay so after feeling a bit downcast lately and having a lovely little breakdown last week, something actually good happened today.

I was already getting stressed out about not finding a place to intern for my new studies (I already tried calling different places but nada), because if I can't find a workplace to do that, my studies cannot progress.

Well guess what?

The high school/boarding school that I had originally applied for / was interviewed at for this, finally got back to me today. After ghosting me nearly over a week.

But the principal of that school finally called me today, said he's gonna email back to me that one form I'd sent him earlier, so I could forward it to my teachers. And tomorrow we're finally going to sign that contract starting at 9am, and I should begin my training there on Thursday.

If all goes well, my internship should last until December 15th, so, fuck yeah.

I'm so happy I could cry now (I don't have any tears left in me though kdjkd).

[egg-emperor]

I really wish I felt the will to live or do anything at all right now. even in the small free time I have I'm too exhausted from non stop pain and fatigue and have no energy to do anything I love so I just sleep. and because of this program I have even more tasks to do everyday sapping my little energy and the stress of how complicated some of it is

and I still have appointments with the other people I'm getting support from unrelated to the program. phone calls luckily. but I swear I scheduled the next to be yesterday yet they decided it should be on the 9th anniversary of my dad's death instead. this is the last day I want to be called over stressful shit. as if I couldn't be any more miserable and upset right now

[sighcomics]